Chapter 3: the 1960's.
These were turbulent years of transition, though not of the gender type. I did not crossdress; instead, I relied on my vivid imagination and fantasies. My fantasy index is sky-high. I believe that this is merely the way I am, not a preoccupation. For me, science fiction, fantasy, and gender-bending merge naturally, without any underlying perverse or fetishist logic.
Also, then there was the underlying fear of being homosexual. Being homosexual and transgendered is still a double whammy, the height of social unacceptability. I really have never had any interest in men, but I did not understand the nature of things as I do now.
Throughout the 1960's I was socially very incompetent. I had my first and only date of the decade in 1963. I had finally developed an interest in women, but I did not like the irrational way it made me behave. I neither understood nor liked the rules of dating. Apparently, this is the way most "INTP/INTJ’s" feel. I started to shake off the sexist baggage I had accumulated as a boy, but it seemed to be impossible to relate to women without exploiting them, so I gradually stopped trying to establish any relationships at all.
I graduated from high school and then from college four years later. The Viet Nam war was raging at that time. I did not have the personality to be a military officer, nor was I creative enough to get out of military service, so I went into the Air Force. Basic training, especially, was a homophobic, brutal experience. My first Training Instructor purposely harassed me. He also denigrated women, while he promoted this "males only" club. Though he was married, I am sure he was a closet homosexual.
I envied the women who were my age, because they got to go on with their lives without enduring any of this military nonsense.
All my Air Force buddies seemed, in some way, like me. I have recently contacted many of them. Whether they are gay, transgendered, or something else, most are not dealing with who they are.
The Air Force never quite knew what to do with those of us who were enlisted college graduates. In 1969, they let all of us leave six months early.
Last Modified Wednesday, January 08, 2003