Relational Guidlines

This is a set of guidelines and suggestions for serious transwomen, specifically transwomen such as myself in a committed relationship with a genetic woman or would like to have such a relationship. This is where I am coming from, so this situation is the only one I feel qualified to advise. I am writing this from experience, but things that work for me may not work for others. Expect setbacks and problems, and be warned that there will likely be no solution, because transgender issues abound with polarities.

Secrecy

Secrecy will cause untold anxiety and only delay having to explain one's inner transgendered nature. Being out means that one has to give up shyness, privacy, and even embarrassment. To some of us, these are prized possessions, but they are incompatible with the life we desire. Sometimes, we do not know who were are when we establish relationships, so we are forced to come out later. However, anyone who really has a sure idea about their nature should never form such a relationship without some kind of an explanation.
There is really no way to predict how that woman partner in our lives will react, but fear will cause untold suffering. The younger the partner is, the more likely she will react favorably. Younger women are more realistic about life and do a lot less role-playing.
One should not even get dressed in seclusion. This can be a very bad habit. Learning to get dressed in the same room as the partner will eventually make both the transwoman and her partner more comfortable. If dressing is only putting on clothing, then it should be treated as such.

Equality

Equality in a relationship may be difficult to define, but a transwoman will not survive without it. She must become an avowed feminist. One's partner may deny the need for equality, but never forget its importance. The average male may get away with a lot of selfish behavior, but we do not get that privilege. Our partner needs to have an equal say in all the decisions that affect our lives.

Trust

Maintaining trust is very important for a transwoman. It should go without saying that trust means not running off to new partner. After all, anyone can claim to be supportive. Trust means agreeing to rules and not breaking them on a moment's notice without negotiation. Trust means no secrecy. Trust means communicating.

Negotiation

It is a fact of transgendered life that we need to negotiate features of our journey, mostly close to the time we figure out each aspect. As males, we were not properly socialized in our youth, so we have to catch up. Genetic women are more skilled at such things, so as transwomen we must also master these skills.

Abandonment

The majority of transistioning transwomen abandon their families to pursue their new life. This is one of the greatest fears of partners. It is really not good for us to literally shatter our connections, since this will only increase our own depression and sense of loss. No one should simply give up everything. Just because we become transwomen does not mean we have to leave our life as we know it behind. For many who transition, abandoning their families is the last act of male-type anti-relationship behavior.

Taking Advice

A transwoman needs to learn to take advice and get instructional help; stubborn male ego will get her nowhere.
Do not mail-order a wig, because it will simply not look right.   Go to a wig salon and get a professional fitting. Be sure to pick an age-relevant color, unless you are still a teenager.
Go to a makeup professional to get lessons and color-matching. This is usually free; just be sure to buy some makeup from her. And always remember, less is always better when it comes to makeup.  Forty-color kits are for teenagers; a normal person's face cannot take more than three to six shades plus blush.
Buy clothing that is modest, flattering, and age-relevant.  Willingly accept fashion advice from your partner; after all, she is the one who will see you in these outfits the most often.
Get your ears pierced. Clip-on earrings can be annoying, and the selection is limited. Nowadays, so many men wear (even two) earrings that it is no big deal. Just make sure that your earrings (in man-mode) are small and not attention-getting.

Divorce

Sometimes divorce cannot be avoided, but try to keep it civil and remain friends. A transwoman has enough problems without being consumed with anger. Some partners will not accept going full-time, and even fewer will accept gender reassignment surgery. Discuss the options, however, and never assume anything. Remember, once legally married, a couple cannot be forced to split up. This may currently be gray area of the law, but that is still the way it is.

Verbal Agreements

A transwoman should always write down and verify what she and her partner have agreed to. Verbal agreements can be notorious unreliable, especially when there is so much emotion involved. Writing things down allows people to iron out touchy details in a civil manner.

Thought patterns

A transwoman might pass super well but fail miserably by showing obvious male response patterns. This is not about changing inner nature, but about behavior. A transwoman needs to learn to think more like a genetic woman, or at least practice gender-neutral common sense. This is not about emulating stereotypical behavior, but about subtle ways ways women interact, including voice inflection, hand movements, sensitivity, a non-aggressive attitude, listening, posture, openness, and so forth.

Affection

A transwoman cannot afford to skimp on affection for her partner. The partner will also suffer identity problems, so it is important to show her she is loved. The sooner we can progress to showing affection while dressed, the better. Just be careful not to leave lipstick stains on her face that she will have to explain away.
Never forget special occasions like birthdays, Valentines day, and anniversaries. There may be a requirement to attend such special occasions in man-mode, or there may not be. That is the partner's call.

Real Life Experiences

Real life experiences are similar to the real-life-test of a transsexual, and just as important. Dressing just around the house is be safe, and it is good for relieving anxiety and practicing skills, but there us really no substitute for real life experiences. There is a lot of unfounded fear about real life experiences, which are actually quite safe. These can be group outings with transwomen friends, which can be good practice, but they also increase the chances of being read. Solo outings take much more courage. They do not have to be anything unusual, just ordinary things like shopping, going to a movie, going for a walk in the mall, going out to lunch, and so forth.
Real life experiences can be incident free so long as one has taken the right advice and done the proper preparation. No one pays much attention to ordinary-looking women who have moderate makeup, a properly fitted wig, and non-flashy clothing. It would seem that the voice would be a dead give away, but people do not to take much notice, so long as the tonality is kept in the middle registers. Restroom use is the most stressful skill we must develop. Genetic women do not tend to pay that much attention to transwomen, even in crowded restrooms, and even standing in line. Never, never use the toilet while standing up (facing the toilet) in the women's restroom.
In public, women are always being glanced at, especially by other women. Do not react, because you do not know the reason for the glance, which usually will have nothing to do about being read. On the other hand, never assume no one else knows. Television documentaries and acquaintances have made people more knowledgeable of transgendered people. If a transwoman can spot another transwoman instantly, realize that others can do the same. People usually will not react, because they either will not care or cannot be absolutely sure, since a number of genetic women do resemble transwomen.
Accompanying one's partner in public while dressed is can be a challenging hurdle. It is important that such excursions be incident-free. One should never use the partner as a shield, because she will be expecting more help from the transwoman than she will be giving. It should be made clear that the relationship has not changed, just the mode of attire. Always pay attention to the partner's comfort zone, and never forget that she always has the right to say No to any suggested outing while dressed.

Attitude

Too many transwomen develop an attitude. It is a bad idea and can be self-defeating. Every transwoman should assume that she is an special ambassador for the transgendered community, so she should always conduct herself like lady.

Hormones

Hormones will cause a physical change, but usually not as much as expected. Forget all the worthless mail-order drugs, and never take any hormones unless prescribed and evaluated by a physician. Such a physician will have to be transgender-friendly and somewhat familiar with endocrinology. The transwoman should not have the final say in such treatment; it should be a four-way agreement between the partner, the therapist, the transwoman, and the physician.
Medical expenses for GRS and cosmetic surgery are not covered by most insurance plans; however, hormone replacement therapy is usually covered, because so many people are undergoing some kind of HRT, that the insurance companies have a hard time setting up any method for screening.
The cheapest and most-accessible hormone is spironolactone, which reduces testosterone. While it can create the need for more-frequent urination, the only really bad side-effect is a possible overdose of potassium.

Hair Removal

Electrolysis is the oldest form of hair removal, and often it is the only method for a lightly-colored heavy beard. Home kits are a waste of money; the average male beard has whiskers that are way too deep for a do-it-yourself method. For best results, a testosterone-reducer such a spironolactone is recommended.
Laser hair removal may or may not be beneficial; there are just as many stories for bad outcomes as good outcomes. The technology changes so fast that it is hard to keep up, and the long-term dangers are unknown. Always patronize a salon where the technicians are licensed. Be aware that it will not work on light whiskers, nor will it work on people with very dark complexions. Also be aware that it can be painful. The amount of pain is based on the energy absorbed; the more dark whiskers present, the more energy will be absorbed.
Male whiskers grow in cycles of about seven weeks each. Most have five such cycles, but more unfortunate persons such as myself seem to have seven. The number of cycles determines the number of trips to the laser salon. Also, as the whiskers are thinned, those that are left will have increasingly longer growing cycles, which means, whereas one day's growth used to be enough for electrolysis, eventually three to four days growth may be needed.

Telling the Children

Transwomen have the right to have children, even if it means using frozen sperm after GRS. Transwomen also have a right to a relationship with their children.
Much energy can be wasted wondering if children should know about their father's transgendered nature. Children will sense something is going on. They will want to know, and they have a right to know. The younger they are, the better they can handle it.
There will also be fear of boys emulating their father. If they are not transgendered, they will find that it is not that interesting, after dressing two or three times, and lose interest. If they are interested, it is better to openly teach them the necessary skills and allow them to express themselves, rather than having them operate in secret.
It should be noted that any pre-school child that adamantly protests their assigned gender and refuses to wear any clothing associated with that gender is a very rare case. Such children will need extensive support and counseling.